This Road

I’ve been down this road before
It leads to one hundred different doors
Only one is the right one
That’ll​ take me home
What choices do I have?
The noises distract from the truth

Can we take the high road
To a safe place that’s not here
To our own Wonderland
Family safe and unfound
All highways lead to signs unwritten
I don’t know where I’m going

I hope it’s beautiful, tranquil
Where I’ll have a home

Chorus
That is the place
We call Jannah, Paradise
Worried I’m not worthy, paradise
But i believe
God created something in me
And if he can see a better future for me
Then i certainly can

It’s hard
When you want something so bad
But its barely out of reach
Teasing as you beseech
Almost there
Not quite where
You need to be

But I want to get home
This is not it
Dunya
I need a good future
Even if I lose this world
There’s something better
Out there
I can’t see it
I can’t sense it
In any scent, sight or form
But the belief alone
Knowing there’s more than this
There’s more than this

Chorus
That is the place
We call Jannah, Paradise
Worried I’m not worthy, paradise
But i believe
God created something in me
And if he can see a better future for me
Then I certainly can

Can we take the high road
To a safe place that’s not here
To our own Wonderland
Family safe and unfound
All highways lead to signs unwritten
I don’t know where I’m going

I hope it’s beautiful, tranquil
Where I’ll have a home

Chorus
That is the place
We call Jannah, Paradise
I know I’m not worthy, but Allah is kind

So I believe
God created something in me
And if he can see a better future for me
Then I certainly can

Returning Home

Oh Allah
You’ve been there for me all along
I let you go
And you helped me go on
I was weak
I couldn’t seek
You out

(And) now I take back
All those words I said
All those doubts I held
You can always tell
What I’m thinking
You know
What despair I’m taking
You have
Everything I’m seeking

I was scared
I was fallen
The words I couldn’t control
Came always to haunt me
Oh no please just help hope, peace please
But I felt
That there had been a better day
And Allah you can bring it back
It’s not easy to turn back
But the pain
Doesn’t have to be forever
So I pray to you

Now I take back
All those words I said
All those doubts I held
You can always tell
What I’m thinking
You know
What despair I’m taking
You have
Everything I’m seeking

To live
I’ll be at peace
If I just believe
If I can remember
You and your grace
I hope to see it in your face

That’s why I’m here

Illusion of Independence

What I did not know
As my hope when it started to go
Is Allah’s love never loses its flow
In times I would not believe
He still really truly never left my need

For a time I couldn’t see
Simply belief wasn’t enough to me
She was by my side
She was from my soul where love resides
Tamed my in black and white

This bleak, awful self-hate
Lose those miserable weights
I need to gain heart muscle
But how if I don’t exercise love?

I need more than a figure of calming speech
After a while it sounds like it’s stuck on repeat
What can I say, these aren’t your deeds
You can’t help me, fellow person

I mustn’t assume I always need
A human being
To help me be
Maybe I don’t even need myself
And thoughts like “I am independent,”
Should be left to gather dust
In shelves way back in the closet
Until I can do an audit

Maybe I’ve finally got it
That if my heart is done for
It is God whose got it – who can cure it

For me only Allah is sufficient.

Poetry: Genuine

I said I finally
Felt like this
Could be real
Now I wish
It really was me

How can I lie
To say it stays the same
I guess I kinda sorta
Fell along the way
Felt a wrong thing to say
To do was right
And now look at me
Is this what upright feels like

Truth is I’m only human
I can cry I can be sad
I can think I can be mad
But does it give me permission
I think I’m in remission
But I keep pushing on the ignition
Too soon but it
Seems like gratitude is what I’m missing
Maybe it’ll help me be a little bit more patient

Oh God help me I’ve been skipping
Hopscotch to avoid tripping
On my inner cracks
I’m just so scared of hitting them
Worried the ground will give way
But instead it’s my soul that gives away
The ugly, broken that
I don’t want to face within me
Brave face, keep up the pace
Don’t fault, don’t call
For help, just save face

They can’t take my heart
But I took it too far
A little more time
A little more, I say, I beg
But the choice was never mine
Only the life I live can be defined
All the way up go my deeds to the Divine
All the rest are but future’s seeds
These are up to Him, the One,
the Only.

I am the bird.

The bird sings before the dawn

Cause the darkness lasts long before the morn

I thought it would never come

Thought they were going to blow the horn

Thought it was now the end, my end

 

But now I see a light

And that light had always been there

It’s how I can see this at all

But I, at that time

Lost sight

Oh I have regained sight

I don’t want to be afraid anymore

I’ve had it now

 

And don’t you know it’s better to take it slow

And go, on your way to internal home,

Take your time, in Jannah you won’t

Worry about being alone, eternal joy.

 

 

 

 

 

CPR of Realization

Worried that I’m detached

Truth is it isn’t an arduous task

And yet I’d like to reattach

Just keeping saying

Tomorrow’s another day

When today should be the place

Where I begin

But the end

Looks like it ain’t any further than the starting line

But I don’t want to wait ‘til I start to flat line

Hypnotized, got to revive, reignite, this can’t be my life!

Inside of me’s a flame

Been lying ’til I’m lame,

Have I been chasin’ fame? No!

Riya’in all the way but now I’ve gotta come back home

Before the door of life starts to close

Oh man I’m stuck here

But struggling isn’t going to pull me

out of the quicksand

I gotta reach out

Let them take my hand

God’s help sent, or who’s else?

Bring out the paddle

Don’t think, just do,

I can hear them coming,

Charge them — go, go, go!

Charge to 200!

I don’t need dollars

When I’m a hundred miles from home

I need dinner and a ride

350!

I need strength and a path and direction

Relay, replay Hadith of the Prophet

Got a dua in my pocket

Wa Allahu Samee’ ul ‘Aleem

400..

I’m losing strength but I’m losing sleep

Gotta get back up on the saddle

Riding horses home, valiant like the sahabah

Awaken life-restoring paddles,

if I’m not done yet

I believe He thinks I’m worth a second or two to repent

450, Charge the paddles

I’m wide awake and finally breathing

In death I received my reason

Gasp as I am savouring oxygen

Not one inside convenience

No, this reason isn’t for a single season

But for all to come

No one stands by my side

Except a soul God set forth

Carried over the defibrillator

Needed God to gift the crash cart

And thereby, I am alive

Someone was sent to move

The winds to move

The clouds to gather

Moisture to water

Let it rain, let it shower

Us in Allah’s Mercy.

Water in my bones,

Water cleanse my heart

It’s black and hard as stone.

Water, if God wills, oh God please let it

Oh God please let me

Make up for this please

This won’t be my last plea

So I won’t say it’s all I’ll ever ask

Not a single request could be my last

And yes for eternity

Yet, you knew that before I came to be

‘Cause it was you

Who said Kun! Fayakun!

Be, and it is!

Kun! Fayakun!

And I am patient, because I have trust.

I am kind, because I received rahma.

I am sincerely successful, because Allah loves me.

I am peaceful, because I have faith.

Kun, Fayakun!

Swallow anger and settle ashes,

Water the flame.

Support sadness and wipe away that anguish,

Water the dying flower, she is weak,

Don’t let her lose a single leaf.

Seeing is Believing the Light Will Come

I saw a bright light

It won’t turn me blind

Maybe you’ll feel it’s a flashlight

Blasting your retina

But the truth is, I believe

 

You try the darkness

Thinking it’s the light

‘Cause it’s sleek, slinks through the night

Like a shiny car, a fancy life

But all you live is only a lonely strife

Your kids struggle, you hate your loving wife

 

All the ways, you walk away

Unlike how you try to run to younger days

Well, my truth doesn’t crack and fade

From paradise to Paradise,

I walk to the future

As I approach tomorrow

I see it was already rising, arriving, leaving

quicker than a spark of lightning

 

I tell it, “meet me halfway

I’m not afraid to play

I’m gonna join a race

Don’t leave me in the field

Let me live in honesty

Doing what’s right for me”

 

I’m not floundering

Ya Allah, never leave me withering

I have had enough

Of speaking around my feelings

The past has left me reeling

And I don’t want to repeat their sins

 

You see, I was looking at a dream

Thought I was awake

Saw myself inside a hole

From outside, too, started to break

They trapped and chose to go

 

And how am I supposed to know

That all I have to do is stand

When it’s so dark

The stars that I envision are

From a light head sinking in quicksand

Well then, I’m sure I must be done

 

But then his words came

That none was alone secluded in a cave

I rose, made dua and realized, pushed the stone aside

The light will come, it’s right in front

It’s black, but not bleak

Because the world doesn’t orbit me

But instead, it flows in perfect formation

‘Round the sun just like the sea

Meets the shore, goes, comes back to me

 

Just because the light I cannot see

Doesn’t mean Allah didn’t choose for it to be

 

Just because my Lord I cannot see

Doesn’t mean in His truths I won’t believe