Returning Home

Oh Allah
You’ve been there for me all along
I let you go
And you helped me go on
I was weak
I couldn’t seek
You out

(And) now I take back
All those words I said
All those doubts I held
You can always tell
What I’m thinking
You know
What despair I’m taking
You have
Everything I’m seeking

I was scared
I was fallen
The words I couldn’t control
Came always to haunt me
Oh no please just help hope, peace please
But I felt
That there had been a better day
And Allah you can bring it back
It’s not easy to turn back
But the pain
Doesn’t have to be forever
So I pray to you

Now I take back
All those words I said
All those doubts I held
You can always tell
What I’m thinking
You know
What despair I’m taking
You have
Everything I’m seeking

To live
I’ll be at peace
If I just believe
If I can remember
You and your grace
I hope to see it in your face

That’s why I’m here

Good Days

Sometimes I think
That I’ve had better days
But the good-good days are coming closer
Everybody moves
At their own speed
You can’t keep up with anyone
Sometimes you’ll feel dragged down
You are not unafraid
You are allowed to be scared
You’ll push through this
I know you can

Sometimes you think
That you’ve had better days
But the truly good days are coming closer
You smile so few days
But I know that the most of your worries
Are over
For now
Life gets worse
It gets good
But you can’t rely on fate
To keep you happy
It will always change
It’s fickle

You’re stronger than you know
And for me
There have been days
When it’s hard
To get back up
When you’ve been knocked out
Knocked down to the ground

But you know
Sometimes I think
It’s all over
I’m done
There’s no way out
I’ll speak the truth
I’m not made of iron, steel

I’m human
I fear
I feel pain
I say all of this
To help you understand
Nobody is perfect
Everybody feels varied levels of pain
Yours may be higher
But it will make you stronger
It will change you for the better

From younger days.

Fixing up a heart
Pulsing it again
Searching for the pure
Hoping for the pie
Up and up
Jannah ( paradise)

Leaving all the poison
Take another potion
Wont take away the pain

Lying in the dirt
Tryna empty out the sand dunes
Or my dessert
With a spoon

Somehow we’re gonna get
Get together
Get our hearts and heads
Together and go
(X2)

You can say it’s mine
And clench your fist
Or see the sunrise as a gift
Oh Allah guide us (x3)
Guide us
Guide us

Somehow we’re gonna get
Get together
We’re gonna get it together
And float
Maybe when.
You think.
You’ve had enough
First float
Then swim
And finally fly
Up and up and up
Successful through the seven skies, and you can.

Directions

I fell so far
Got scorched by a star
You say it doesn’t make sense
But up and down is relative
And I have little direction

Chose my destination
Found so many more questions
I guess it never really ends
Until the day I die
Return to Allah
Or pass on inside

Listen to the quiet light
It’s speaking just loud enough
The voice tells
Your story well
You’ve been focusing
On the plotlines
Missing all the points

You stop at all the fast-food joints
Grabbing Netflix and a burger
But really on your order
Should have been a salad
And some soul-food

This is the voice that speaks
I try to tame it
So it doesn’t judge
But tells me still ’cause I do
Need a little nudge.

Maybe my compass got covered in dirt
And my radio signal got a little jammed
My life is never slammed
It’s only the door that can be opened
In frustration that I banged
And I was never lost
I was always here, just sometimes,

I can’t see very clear.

But hey, I was always here.

Illusion of Independence

What I did not know
As my hope when it started to go
Is Allah’s love never loses its flow
In times I would not believe
He still really truly never left my need

For a time I couldn’t see
Simply belief wasn’t enough to me
She was by my side
She was from my soul where love resides
Tamed my in black and white

This bleak, awful self-hate
Lose those miserable weights
I need to gain heart muscle
But how if I don’t exercise love?

I need more than a figure of calming speech
After a while it sounds like it’s stuck on repeat
What can I say, these aren’t your deeds
You can’t help me, fellow person

I mustn’t assume I always need
A human being
To help me be
Maybe I don’t even need myself
And thoughts like “I am independent,”
Should be left to gather dust
In shelves way back in the closet
Until I can do an audit

Maybe I’ve finally got it
That if my heart is done for
It is God whose got it – who can cure it

For me only Allah is sufficient.

Poetry: Genuine

I said I finally
Felt like this
Could be real
Now I wish
It really was me

How can I lie
To say it stays the same
I guess I kinda sorta
Fell along the way
Felt a wrong thing to say
To do was right
And now look at me
Is this what upright feels like

Truth is I’m only human
I can cry I can be sad
I can think I can be mad
But does it give me permission
I think I’m in remission
But I keep pushing on the ignition
Too soon but it
Seems like gratitude is what I’m missing
Maybe it’ll help me be a little bit more patient

Oh God help me I’ve been skipping
Hopscotch to avoid tripping
On my inner cracks
I’m just so scared of hitting them
Worried the ground will give way
But instead it’s my soul that gives away
The ugly, broken that
I don’t want to face within me
Brave face, keep up the pace
Don’t fault, don’t call
For help, just save face

They can’t take my heart
But I took it too far
A little more time
A little more, I say, I beg
But the choice was never mine
Only the life I live can be defined
All the way up go my deeds to the Divine
All the rest are but future’s seeds
These are up to Him, the One,
the Only.

I am the bird.

The bird sings before the dawn

Cause the darkness lasts long before the morn

I thought it would never come

Thought they were going to blow the horn

Thought it was now the end, my end

 

But now I see a light

And that light had always been there

It’s how I┬ácan see this at all

But I, at that time

Lost sight

Oh I have regained sight

I don’t want to be afraid anymore

I’ve had it now

 

And don’t you know it’s better to take it slow

And go, on your way to internal home,

Take your time, in Jannah you won’t

Worry about being alone, eternal joy.