Why Did You Do it?

Nothing but black and white
To paint my stripes

I was born a zebra

In a world of stallions

With no point of return
I can’t change, can’t unlearn

How does this happen
All these roads I get on
Just fall back off
You said to do my best
What if I’m not up to it?

Why does this happen?
All these battles I’m fighting
I wasn’t meant to win
You said to be good but
What if I’m not?

Where do I go now?
My friend is so sick now
Why does this happen?
When does this end, will it be soon?

I promise I’m trying
Won’t I say I don’t believe in You
But some days
Some days when I say
“It’s okay,”
They’re symbols strung together

Labelling pain with no gain

Why does this happen?
I held up my end of the bargain
Was I never worth it?
This little girl’s fighting
For a life she can’t fix
But will You?
And she is so little
The sky that You painted, so big
I just want to understand

The whole world around me
Is just so loud
When I walk these halls
They say my name
Whispers, I can’t
Seem to escape
I feel like an alien

I’m always so different
But You put me on Earth

There must be a reason

When I look in the mirror

They see something I don’t

I was a young ‘un
I tried to know
The difference between
Sunsets and rainbows
Why do colors spread
Or stay in one place?

Why are all nights the same, yet never quite so
Some so much longer, some way too cold
Some I can’t sleep through
Some I don’t wake up from
Some where the sun wouldn’t rise
Some where the love
Ain’t enough for them,
To make up their mind

I cannot sleep now
And everybody else eats
I cannot breathe now
And the others are laughing
But I am still gasping
for air.

I don’t miss a beat
I see every color
I feel every moment
I know before it has happened
I know because I hear it all even
When I’m not even trying
Not even thinking
But I’m taking this in

And so the world has to be
Quiet
So I can breathe
And now finally
I find this puzzle piece
I don’t need to know
I don’t need to understand
I just need my paintbrush back
And give me colors that
I can mix away

The animals out there, they like our silence

Our quiet lull, the hum of Quran

Words under my breath

Open the window
Birds singing louder
Squirrels, scurry slower, lower
Because the world has stopped
And they are unafraid
That we will come home
Because we already are

And maybe we lose
And maybe we are weak
And maybe we’re not as good
As we had assumed
But why do we have to
Be perfect to believe

I believe it begins now
Without the control
With not needing to know
Because you’re already sure
You just have a shred of hope,

Or a whole lot of reserves

From bad days that are better days

With believing in being safe

Letting it go now
For good to come on its own

We pray, but we won’t stay in place
And hope we’ll arrive
We pray, but we won’t forget love
And hope we’ll still be together
We pray, but we don’t gather round
And hope that we won’t fall down
With COVID going round

We reflect, but we won’t halt humility
And expect we’ll know what we truly need
We reflect, but we won’t believe in miracles
And say they’re not from Allah, our Lord
We thank our heroes,
Remember they are given.

We mourn, but we won’t all lose something or other
And then ever grieve alone

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