A Fallen Seed

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I fell from a tree,

No one swept down to save me.

The wind did,

I questioned it.

But I knew it wasn’t wrong.

 

 

If I had to fall,

To reach the soil beneath,

How could I not see,

That the rain would cleanse me,

That the earth would nurture me —

Make me the woman I needed to become

To be the one whom,

He, as Allah the Only One, who would accept me:

 

Unconditionally

He knows my flaws,

Where I fall

Where I come up stronger,

Somehow, after disaster

I rise up faster,

Every time it gets harder, in

Every next trial.

 

Whether I pray or not pray

He knows either way

What I have done

Who I’ve become

Knows me better than I claim to

Hiding from Him

Is only backing away from

Honest emotion.

We needn’t hide them.

 

So who am I to decide?

Who am I:

That never consulted Him,

That never asked for shelter?

Until I started to wither,

Into a sucking abyss,

Am I not stronger than this?

 

Maybe not.

Maybe so.

But the ability to say these words,

Reminds me,

I have somewhere to be.

I’d never get there standing still

Deluded to think I was already free.

 

If I could do what I wanted,

Buy until I was broke,

And repeat it again until tomorrow.

Soon enough consequence will say hello.

 

Who is listening,

That I speak?

Of that which I have no knowledge.

There is beauty in silence too.

While there also is,

In the right place,

A time to break it.

 

Speak the truth!

It will guide you through.

Do you know what you want,

Who you are?

Have you wondered?

Or looked at another,

In another,

Thinking you could find yourself in their story.

Tried to become them

Started to resent them,

“Why did their recipe

Not work for me?”

 

Well now,

My story’s never over for me

I always have somewhere better to be.

But I can only arrive

If better is who I choose to be.

 

I asked who He made

Their advice that guided me.

But every time it was a good step,

It wasn’t about me.

Heck, it wasn’t even their own to give

And thank God, they knew it

Because the same love and kindness

Is found in many

Never in the same space

Never too little

Never anything more than

Exactly enough.

 

I may be a sapling,

But I’m growing everyday.

One day I will return to the earth

And I hope I will go back

The way I came.

Loved by Him

A heart purified by pain.

A mind cleansed to occupy with truth

A soul yearning to the source of her existence

I only hope I am worthy.

 

Because ya Allah,

When I searched for me–

I realize this now —

That when I doubted

Your love reminded

Me of my worth regardless.

When I searched once more,

I see it now;

That when I thought myself to be higher,

There was always someone above,

And above all of them,

Be they arrogant or humble

It is back to You that they will stumble

It is their choice that will decide

Whether their attempts will make them crumble.

 

And even the truthful ones

In heart, mind, soul

Will indeed fall

As I have.

But they will rise

Higher than they were

When they first fell

As I hope to.

 

To arrive in Paradise

Seeing Your Face, O Allah

As I hope to,

Finding myself in the only dream

Whose reality will last me

For eternity.

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